Friday, February 5, 2010

So allow me to introduce you to my little friend . . .

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This is my new phone. It is the LG EnV Touch. It is pretty. It is shiny. It completes me. I don't know how I lived without it.

You wanna know my favorite feature? The GPS navigation. I got this phone 2 days before my journey to Utah and then onward to Idaho. I get lost going to places that I have been 20 times before. I get lost in Walmart. So having GPS navigation on a 17 hour (one way) drive in a storm might be a good idea. So I bonded with this GPS Navigation. I named her Dolores, because:

A.) I feel better talking back to the GPS when it has a name and

B.) Because I think she sounds like a very polite older woman

Dolores and I pretty much got along, and because I know nothing I trusted her when she told me where to go. Until I got to my hotel in Provo. Then she had me circling my hotel. I literally kept going around in circles around the same square mile because she didn't tell me when to turn in. And I could see the hotel from the road. So I started arguing back and explaining to Dolores that if I turned, I would be at the hotel. She didn't care for that so when I did turn in, she very calmly stated,

"Make the next legal U-tun."

That was her very passive aggressive way of saying,

"What the hell?!"

I did find out one small little quirk of Dolores. She is a little too polite and won't interrupt. So, when I'm on the phone and I should be turning, she doesn't but in. She just lets me jabber on about ice and the ice on the roads and my impending death because of the ice on the roads. She didn't even think to clear her throat and say,

" You know Chelsie, sorry to interupt and everything, but if you don't exit onto the 202 highway right now then you are going to be stuck on your current highway for approximately 300 miles. Which, you know, means you are going to be going WAY off track. Just sayin'."

Nope. She just stays quiet and allows me to make stupid mistakes without making any noise. We got into a heated discussion after I finished my phone conversation and realized what she had done. She didn't understand my rationale that I would prefer her to interrupt and give me a heads up than to let me waste more time and gas. We stopped speaking for awhile. Which was difficult for me because I had no idea where to go. It made for a very awkward car ride.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

So . . . . remember how I said I can't do anything normal??

My brother got married. But more about that later because I don't have the time or patience to load the pics right now.
No, the important thing that I need to post is about how I screwed up myself . . . . AGAIN. The whole thing started because my shoulder has been killing me lately (when is it not?) and no one can put enough pressure on my knot to help it at all. So on Sunday I got a little bit desperate and decided to take matters into my own hands . . . . or cleaning tools more specifically. I decided if I push my shoulder against something just right then that should do the job. I won't tell you everything I tried, but I did try a door frame . . . . that was awkward and ineffective. So then I came up with a STELLAR idea . . . . I'd use a mop! Not a dirty one, I had a new one. So I pushed the mop end against the ceiling and put the other end on my shoulder and stood on my tiptoes to apply pressure. It was not easy, but I'm sure it would make for an interesting visual. So, it didn't really work. It hurt, but not in the good, getting-out-a-knot hurt. More like a there-is-a-mop-sticking-out-of-my-shoulder kind of hurt. So I stopped, defeated. Well, the problem is, yesterday I woke up and my arm was kind of numb/in pain. (It is possible to be numb and in pain. And it sucks.) And it still hurts today. Here's the issue. So, a bundle of your nerves run through your shoulder and down your arm. I'm pretty sure I damaged those nerves. Either that, or they are really pissed and want to make sure I know it. And now I can't write because it hurts too much. Lovely.

Moral of the story - don't try to work your own knots with a mop. It doesn't work too well. You'll thank me later.