Friday, October 29, 2010

So Spammers are not cool. And also not the smartest.

So apparently my email was hacked. And I only found out because my sister texted me that she's gotten a couple weird emails from me. So I finally went in to check it and didn't see anything odd in the 'sent' folder. And I was thinking, wow either the emails she's talking about are totally legitimate and I should be offended, or these spammers are getting pretty savvy. And then I found THIS in my inbox.

Yeah, the spammers sent ME an email from myself with their little spam link. Way to not alert the email owner, Mr. Spammer. Now the other thing is - this email I got had pretty much every single email address in my contacts included. So I know that pretty much everyone I know has been receiving a bunch of these spam emails and hasn't mentioned anything to me. I'm come to the conclusion that this can only be because of the following reasons:

1) They don't ever read my emails anyway.
2) They opened it, saw something completely random/possibly illegal and decided it really came from me - because I'm THAT weird.
3) They opened it, clicked on the link, unleashed a horrible virus and broke their computer and now can't email me to tell me my email is hacked, because, well, they now have bigger problems.

So, if I broke your computer, I'm sorry. Oh, and to top it all off my car broke AGAIN today. I think I'm just going to have my paycheck deposited directly into the mechanic's bank account from now on. You know, cut out the middle man.

Friday, October 22, 2010

So whoever created Styrofoam needs to be slapped. Or at least put in time-out.

This week has not been fun. My car broke AGAIN. It ended up costing me a AAA membership, a couple hundred dollars, and my sanity. Always fun. And money and I haven't been working out so well even before my shifter threw a temper tantrum and went on strike. So it's been a little stressful. The other night I had this dream that I was robbing a bank and as I was trying to get away cops kept pulling me over. And instead of arresting me, they issued me an 'insufficient funds' fee. (You know, the fun little surprise banks throw at you when you're money is gone. It's their cute way of saying, "You thought having -$2 was bad? HOW ABOUT -$37??!? Huh?! That's what I thought.) So I kept screaming at the cops that I didn't have $35.

Good times. So I woke up and was ticked when I realized that I didn't actually rob a bank. Because I was kinda liking the whole idea of burlap sacks full of cash. So the rest of the day I kept trying to rationalize to myself that robbing a bank isn't so bad.
Anyway, so on Thursday I decided to make this wall art thingy instead of robbing a bank. Because if I make a craft the possibility of being incarcerated is marginally smaller. I decided on this particular craft because all these crafty blogs were bragging about just how easy it was to make. Most bloggers in fact claimed they were able to make the craft, be in labor, and give themselves a pedicure all at the same time. So I figured I might be able to handle making it. You basically just attach scrapbook paper to a square foot of something - and it makes a cool looking design.

I went to Michael's because my awesome cousin Katy got me a gift card there (which came in handy because I had no money.) I thought using styrofoam to use as the base for the designs would be a good idea, because it is pretty light, and relatively cheap. It was pretty much the worst decision I've ever made. When I was buying the styrofoam there was some styrofoam glue next to it. I thought that was just a silly suggestion because isn't all glue the same in the end? (Spoiler alert: . . . . .um, no.) So I got some double sided tape and called it good. I had gotten 3 long pieces of styrofoam that had to be cut into threes so they could be used for the design.

The sound of cutting styrofoam is a shudder inducing squeal that grates on your ears. Whoever created styrofoam must've hated people, I'm sure of it. Then I slowly positioned all the double sided tape on the styrofoam pieces.
Jarica came over to help me. Her enthusiasm over the project was overwhelming. After finally taping all the pieces, I realized they weren't sticking. I decided that we could use paint (because honestly it was the closest thing to me that I considered sticky,) so I went through each piece and squirted a little paint under each scrapbook paper. Then I realized that wasn't doing the trick. So I used some glue. Which also didn't work. Then I used some crazy glue. That didn't work - and at this point I realized that whatever I was doing had actually started eating away at the styrofoam - it just caused little holes. Finally I got frustrated and just used hot glue. Because everything can be fixed with hot glue, right? This thing was so frustrating - and I haven't decided if I even like it yet.
After I had completed it, I mentioned to my sister Chantel about how frustrating the styrofoam was. And she asked me why I didn't just use wood, because apparently Home Depot practically gives away wood. And apparently I should've known this. Which means the paper would have stuck to it MUCH faster and I wouldn't have cried nearly as much. I don't like it when my sisters keep secrets about cheap deals from me. Not cool, Chantel. Not cool at all.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

So I've got a headache

I tend to get into habits of saying the same phrases over and over. It normally comes from a show I've watched or one of my friends. And for whatever reason a couple years ago I got in the habit of saying that I'll punch whoever I'm talking to in the face if they don't (insert random task here). I think it came from 'The Office' where Michael tells Dwight he better listen or he was gonna punch him in the face. Apparently I thought it was hilarious and it stuck with me. It is by far the stupidest saying I've ever used. The phase of me saying it didn't last very long because anytime I would say it, (Ex. "We better hang out soon or I'm gonna punch you in the face.") I would instantly wonder why the heck I would say that - it doesn't make any sense, is a little violent, and slightly offensive. So I stopped saying it and forgot all about it until today.

I've had a ridiculous headache since yesterday - which I thought I got rid of this morning and then it crept up all sneaky-like and smashed my brain with a frying pan while simultaneously run it's nails across my eye balls for good measure. I've lost my tolerance for this headache yesterday. So just now I said aloud to my co-worker that this headache better go away or I'm going to punch myself in the face. Now, I have no idea where that came from - but it is one example of how your past can come back to haunt you.

And I'm pretty sure punching myself in the face probably won't help my headache. But it sure would be funny to watch.

Monday, October 4, 2010

So I'm sure you can relate.

Not too long ago I woke up to 2 flat tires on my car. Yes, two. I then spent close to $200 buying new tires because the tire guy decided that because of the way I drive the cheap tires would be worn out within a week. (I love how he completely judged me because I had apparently worn down the sides of my tires based on the fact that I run into sidewalks a lot. Doesn't everyone? Aren't they meant to be like the bumpers in the bowling alley?) Then the next week my car's battery died costing me $120.
I've yet to recover from the damage this has done to my budget which means I have to make my own food because it's supposedly cheaper. Which kinda explains the several bouts of food poisoning and loss of the bulk of my dishes as of late.
Here's the thing: food tastes better when I'm not the one making it. And it has nothing to do with the actual taste or quality . . . . I just can't stop thinking about all the ingredients.

Case in point - several months I coerced my little sister Jarica into making Chicken Carbonara with me from scratch. I tend to force people into helping me cook for the same reason I would bring someone with me down a dark alley - if they're the only one that makes it to the other side, they could at least witness to investigators where I got lost. I liked the Lean Cuisine version of Chicken Carbonara and had yet to try the real thing - and if the Lean Cuisine version was good then just IMAGINE how good the real thing is. The possibilities!

So we went about making this dish - which took close to 2 hours. We sat down to eat and both of us were surprised that it tasted pretty dang good. Jarica enthusiastically ate and even went to get seconds while I sat there slowly picking at it. Because you know what I was thinking about? All the ingredients. I kept thinking that I could actually taste the flour we used to make the sauce, the chicken stock, the eggs, etc. I've always had a problem putting ingredients in that I didn't like eating individually . . . and when I make food, I always taste the individual ingredients. Just because I know they're there. And then I remember the dishes waiting to be cleaned. Oh, the dishes. I can't tell you how many times I've stood staring at a dish mentally calculating how long it would take me to clean it and ended up convincing myself that the right thing to do for the world is to throw them away and buy new dishes. Because of course I'm sure these dishes are made in China or something, so I'm contributing to their job security, which is a very generous and charitable act. But of course no good deed goes unpunished, and I end up spending way too much money replacing those dishes. Which is why I now only have paper plates and bowls and up until last week didn't even have real silverware. And I've now decided that it's actually cheaper to pay someone to cook for me. It's in every one's best interest really.
Except China's.