So have you ever gone into a room and forgot what you needed? Yeah, I did that. But instead of a room, I went to WalMart.

This last week I was supposed to have 4 days off of work. Instead, I decided to do overtime. Not because I missed the wonderful world of work, but because everything I own apparently had a secret pact to all break at the same time. My TV died (we've been over that), my computer is on it's last leg, my cell phone is randomly freezing and turning itself off, and my dresser literally rocks back and forth when touched. It's gotten so bad that I've decided that any clothes in the dresser are off limits - it's not worth risking it's collapse. So I worked 11 hours on Thursday and was exhausted when I got home. However, I had to rearrange my bedroom because my parents were getting me a new Queen sized bed on Saturday. Currently I have a twin sized bed (I KNOW!!) so, I have to move furniture around to make it all fit. And I decided to completely organize EVERYTHING in my room in the process. Because I apparently thought that I needed to reach new levels of exhaustion. After I completely finished I was getting ready for bed because I had to be at work the next day at 5 am. I was so ready for bed and then I realized that in the process of moving and organizing, I had completely lost my alarm clock. And the only back up alarm I have is my phone. You know, the phone that randomly freezes and dies. Super reliable. So I decided to tear everything apart looking for for the clock. Hours later, I gave up the search because it was close to 2am, and I had to be up at 4:30. But I still couldn't sleep because I was so sure I wouldn't be able to wake up. Even when I did kind of drift off, I would wake up in a panic, sure that I overslept. So Friday I was kind of in a fog of exhaustion. It wasn't pretty. But I was determined to get everything done. I finished work and remembered that the day before I had made a long list of things I needed at WalMart. I remembered that there were several things that I really needed for the weekend. So I got to WalMart, and had gotten into the store before I realized I couldn't remember even one thing I actually needed. I was walking around thinking that blankly staring down every aisle would help me remember something, anything. No luck. And in my sleep deprived state I was really upset thinking that I would leave empty handed. So I decided to grab the closest item and buy that so my trip wouldn't be in vain.

Which is why I left WalMart with a peach candle.

So this post is kinda a bummer . . . .

I haven't written in awhile because all I have to say are complaints and angry sarcastic rants. Nothing big has gone wrong, but lots of little super annoying things keep happening. Any one of them I could handle and laugh at. And some days I do just that - but then something else happens and I want to break something. Ok, so I'll try to put this in chronological order:
1. This is long - you may want to skip. . . . I decided to remake my wall thingy because I kinda hated it. It was super ugly and annoying. So, I thought I'd learned from the past and would use wood this time and it would be super easy. Yeah, right. I got the wood and paper for the project and would use mod podge to seal it together. So the mod podge thing wasn't getting the paper to stick to the wood, so naturally I decided to mix glue with the mod podge. Because my improvisations with crafts make me a winner. Nope, that just made the paper all lumpy and gross. My sister took the job over and showed me how to correctly mod podge, and when we needed something flat to smooth the paper out over the mod podge, I grabbed my driver's license. Naturally. So my driver's license is mod podged. Because I screwed up so many of the boards, we had to go and buy more scrapbook paper and redo them. Then they had to lay out in my tiny apartment on the couch, table, and basically every surface. The next day I realized that although I had bought wall hanging kits, I had only bought 6, because apparently I suck at math and didn't count the 9 boards that I actually had. I thought it was safe to stack the boards because they were spread out everywhere until I could get more hanging kits. That melded the boards together and ruined 2 of them. That I had to redo. Again. It eventually turned out ok - but I am so bitter over the effort it took. Grrr.
2. My TV broke right after I got DVR. I was able to get a smaller, but still functioning tv from my sister though, so I figured it'll work until I save to buy a new one.
3. My DVD player stopped working. We were able to figure out (after awhile) that it was just a bad cord. That could be replaced - so it wasn't a total loss.
4. I filled a prescription and then lost it within 24 hours. The entire thing. I tore apart my apartment and car looking for it to no avail. I then had to fight with the pharmacy to get it refilled. At the same time I got an ear infection and had the fun experience of dealing with the nurses at work that could not be more condescending and rude. They finally gave me prescriptions for my ear and the prescription costs ended up costing more money then I had a available, because my insurance is ridiculously horrible.
5. My DVR broke. The geniuses at Cox couldn't figure out what the problem was and sent a guy out to replace it. I told them I don't get off work until 5, so they would have to come after that. They said that was no problem and I promptly got a call at 4:15 from the Cox guy that he was outside my apartment. When I finally got there (after 5), he was not happy. He replaced the box, saying that would fix it. I lost all my saved shows, and had to reprogram all my recordings. Which is kinda time consuming, and annoying.
6. Not even 5 days after getting a new box, my DVR broke again. With the same problem. That happened last Saturday. This was also the day that my towel rack decided to fall off the wall and my refrigerator door handle broke off. Then, I also got infested with bugs. They're these little flying things that I found out (after much trial and error) can be killed with windex. So my entire place (including my face) ended up coated in windex while I tried to kill these suckers. There were a ton - I counted over 50 that I killed alone. I found that they were coming out of the drains, so I plugged all the drains which meant I couldn't wash dishes and freaked anytime I had to take a shower. I went to WalMart hoping to find something that kills unidentified bugs and all I could find were these fly papers. When I got home and took it out of the box it looked like a roll of film. I pulled on the ribbon attached to this roll of film and out came a 3 ft long roll of the most disgusting sticky stuff ever. That I got stuck to my face. Don't ask me how. The guy came out Monday to replace the cable box AGAIN. And he was completely rude. He just walked back into room and back to my closet. Without asking. And I really didn't think cable guys NEEDED to go into my bedroom (they never had before) so it was messy. So embarrassing. And what he needed wasn't even in the closet, and I could have told him that, but he didn't ask. So I lost all my shows again, and had to setup all my recordings, AGAIN.
7. Then, yesterday after work I tried to see if the tv was working. And it wasn't. It was freezing every couple minutes so that you can only catch pieces of conversations. I called Cox, spending close to an hour on the phone, and the guy said he needed to reset my box. I asked if this would erase all my shows and make me re-setup all my recordings. He assured me that it wouldn't, and then got off the phone. When my box restarted, it not only erased everything again, but it didn't fix the problem, so I had to call back AGAIN. And they have no solution except replacing it. Again. It's like a really bad version of Groundhog's Day with this stinking company.
8. Work. I've been careful not to discuss work online because it's dangerous, but I will just say that holy cow, it is adding to the list. In a big way.

This isn't even everything, but it's all happened in the last 3ish weeks. And I'm ready for things to be boring. Honestly.

*END OF ANGRY BITTER RANT*

So I had a dream . . . . and my subconscious is weird.

My dreams are not normal. This shouldn't be surprising, really. They have plot lines, music, a motif, etc. They tend to be incredibly amusing. Last night I had a dream that I was auditioning for the play 'Man of La Mancha'. I'm a horrible actress - this is something my high school Theatre teacher will passionately agree with me on, so I'm a little confused as to why I would be trying out. Anyway, before try outs started, the Playwrite was making 'improvements' to the play. He wanted it to be different. So he added a character to the play. The character was a hamster that would roll on (not in) a ball throughout the scenes. But the Playwrite was having trouble coming up with the perfect name for the character. In desperation, he turned to all of the waiting auditionees to help. He said that whoever came up with the best idea for the character will get to play the character. This was, of course, the only possible way I would get cast. Everyone yelled out ideas, "Fluffy!" "Speedy!" "Fred!". And then it became my turn. And my idea, was . . . "Sir Mix-a-lot!" Naturally. So, I got the part. Because that was obviously the best name. I was the hamster that ran on a ball during the play while 'Baby Got Back' played in the background. SCORE!

So if I wear something cute it means I'm risking losing my job. Lesson learned.

This morning I woke up later than usual and threw on one of the few tops I have that I actually like. I tend to have tops of the circus tent variety, but this one is actually almost cute. I rushed out of my apartment having exactly 2 minutes to get to work before I'm considered late. And I hate being late so I'm hustling to my car. As I'm power walking (because running would just cause an injury - let's be honest) I noticed a woman in the parking lot. She was in her pajamas, staggering a litte, and could barely hold on to the cigarette she held in her hand. She was coming right at me, with purpose. So I did the only sensible thing - I decided that she was coming to attack me and that this parking lot would be the place where I would take my last breath. Ok, so I may have overreacted. She abruptly came to a stop a couple feet in front of me, tilted her head, squinted, and then said,

"Oh. You're not who I thought you were."

I breathed a sigh of relief, smiled, and continued my race to the car when she stopped me with,

"I really like your top. Where did you get it?"

Trying to end the conversation as fast as possible I said,

"Hey, thanks. Yeah, I don't remember where I got it-"

and then she interrupted,

" Well was it Kohls? Old Navy? Dilliards? How about Sears? I get my coats there . . . was it Sears? How about Target? Burlington? . . . "

I kept trying to explain that I didn't remember and casually bolt to the car but she just wouldn't let it go.

" . . . Savers? Garage Sale? Hey, why do you park over here? Don't you live way in the corner? Right? Don't you? You can have my spot . . . I lost my car to my stupid ex-boyfriend so I'm not using it. You wanna use it? . . . ."

This went on and on and all I could concentrate on was counting just how many minutes I was going to be late to work. I finally got to work . . . . 7 minutes late. All because of a cute top.

I got back tonite after having dinner with a friend and was pretty excited to utilize my new DVR to watch all my recorded shows. I had a pretty horrendous day at work and this would help me end the day on a positive note. I settled into the couch and attempted to turn the tv on. It responded with a clicking noise - but it wouldn't turn on. There is nothing like a broken tv that will make you re-examine your purpose in life. I said a final farewell to my tv and started looking thru Craig's list looking for a cheap replacement. Because life is not complete without mind sucking tv episodes. Well, I didn't really have much luck. I don't know if it's me, but the goods on craig's list have gone considerably downhill. For example, I came across this gem:

For those that don't have the ability to zoom in, the post is from someone trying to sell a tv - their description says: (my favorite parts in bold)

" This led flat screen television is a magnavox but does not work. It turns on but nothing comes out on the screen. Everything looks great on the outside - - the screen is not broken, no scratches, and it includes remotes but one remote isn't in great shape. I don't know what's wrong with the tv since I just purchase another tv instead of trying to fix this one . . . "

And they're only asking $75 for a broken tv. Sounds like a STEAL. Sign me up for that.

So my body and I are in a fight. And I'm losing. Again.

Remember the whole sleeping thing? Yeah. That was actually going ok. And then my work schedule changed and my body revolted. I had finally trained my body on when to go to sleep and when to wake up - I had an early schedule at work meaning I had to wake up at 6 am for 2 months, which is basically the entire time I've been off sleeping pills. Then my schedule changed so that I didn't have to wake up until 8:30 am. I was super excited about all the sleep I would get. If only I knew.
The first morning of the new schedule, I woke up panicked at 6 am. My body was shouting, "It's time to wake up!!"Once I saw the clock, I had to kindly tell myself to go back to bed. Then my body would freak right out and wake up 15 minutes later screaming, "WAKEUPWAKEUPWAKEUP!", just like a three year old would - you know, turn on the lights, jump on the bed, and start screaming in your face. The only appropriate response is a stern lecture and a warning, so I did just that and my body reluctantly settled down. Only to repeat that pattern every 15 minutes until 8:30. I'd trained myself into this Pavlovian response that my body was not appreciating being broken of. It started getting a little better after a week and then . . . of course, my schedule changed again. The first day of the change was yesterday, and I had the HARDEST time trying to get any coorperation. And I'm pretty sure I ticked my body off (I know it's weird that I talk about it like we are 2 different people, but that's how it feels sometimes. And now I'm pretty sure everyone is diagnosing me with multiple personalities. Terrific.) and so last night it refused to go to sleep. You know, in protest. I pretended not to notice, so that I didn't feed into it. Just like you would if a two year old was throwing a temper tantrum. That did nothing. But thankfully I got DVR over the weekend (which I am IN LOVE WITH) so I was able to distract myself from the fact that it was 4:30 in the morning and my body was sulking in the corner refusing to sleep just to prove a point. So I got 2 hours of sleep last night. Fun stuff. But the DVR . . . I don't know how I lived without it. It's like Christmas every time I turn on my tv and there's new shows to watch. And shows that I like. I can't tell you how many times I've watched the same infomercial in the middle of the night because I couldn't sleep and nothing else was on. Which can be expensive, because HOLY COW they are inventing some cool stuff lately. Like this glue that can hold anything including a hammock holding two small children (which shouldn't be tried at home) at only $18.99 plus shipping. What they don't tell you is the shipping costs more than the product. Yeah, it's defintely cheaper to have a DVR.

So my car hates me and your future babies will look like a fascist dictator. True Story.

Oh my goodness. Nothing is ever boring with me it seems. So my sister Jarica and I went to Thatcher to go see my sister Chantel's new house. Knowing that my car thinks it's super fun to break down at the most inopportune times, I thought I'd be super prepared and get my car checked before the trip. So the day before we left I took my car in to get the oil changed and have them look at all the fluids and stuff. And apparently everything was great. So the trip up was fine except I always get a little bitter towards my car on road trips because my car is a PT CRUISER without CRUISE control. Talk about false advertising.

We got there with no problems and then I decided to leave to pick up pizza for dinner with my little nephew, Ridge. We weren't even a mile away from the house when I blew a tire. This is, by the way, the 4th tire I've had to replace in 6 months. There was a super loud noise and the car started thumping down the road. I was able to pull over and I was actually really calm about the whole thing. I was always kind of expecting it anyways. So Ridge of course had to see what was wrong, so he came out and inspected the car, then looked really serious and said, "Your car is BUSTED." Then he waited a couple moments and then stated, "You just have to get a new car." Shrugging his shoulders as if he felt really bad he had to break the news to me. As I was inspecting the tire, Ridge suddenly got really concerned about the pizza that we were failing to pickup. He decided we should just leave the car and walk to get the pizza. I mean, someone has to have priorities so I'm glad he was around to remind me that even though we were stranded with an overpriced hunk of junk, the important thing is that we left the pizza all alone. And its feelings might be hurt. So I called Chani to pick us up and we got the pizza before anything catastrophic happened. My brother in law Curtis later put the donut on and the next morning Jarica and I ventured to Walmart to empty my bank account. I went to the mechanic area and the mechanics all saw me and literally refused to help. Wouldn't even direct me to where I needed to go. For literally over 20 minutes they went about their work, refusing to help. It was so incredibly obnoxious. When I FINALLY got someone to help, they said they have the tire, it would be $70, and I would need to wait an hour. After waiting almost the entire hour they called me up and said, just kidding. They didn't actually have the $70 tire. They only had the $110 one. And they didn't figure that out until just then. So I left. I was so sick of the incompetence I wanted to scream. So instead I went to Big O. They helped right away, and even though the tire cost more, I was ok with it because they weren't so rude.

Anyway, on to good news. I found the Redbox movie yesterday. (I know you were all dying to know.) It was in my craft box. Naturally.

And my laptop seems to be getting better. The double clicking thing has actually stopped. It's like it's slowly healing itself. At this rate, it will be back to normal in about 2 years, 9 months.

Lastly, I found this ad while I was on some random site. And it just cracks me up. I know there was a way to mesh you and another person's face together to see what kind of kid you'd have, but all examples I've seen are like incredibly unattractive morphed versions of yourself. So I love that this company used this example as some kind of marketing campaign. It seems to be trying to scare people into not have children, because MAN, that baby looks like a baby Hitler with a uni brow. And the "Go Ahead. Make a Baby!" seems like a dare. It's kind of awesome. And a little scary.

So Redbox and I broke up.

Awhile back, I rented the Social Network from Redbox. And then I promptly lost it. I didn't even have it in my possession long enough to watch it. Every single day I would randomly search for it - in the most random of places because that's where all my lost items tend to be found. After searching under the sink, in the dryer, and on the porch, I kind of gave up. I figured Redbox would just figure it out and charge me for the dvd and we would resume our normal renting and watching movies pattern. Which they did - they charged me $25. Then Redbox decided they don't want to be friends anymore. Even though our friendship is based on me giving a ridiculous amount of money for a nonexistent dvd. They won't let me rent from them now. It's all very tragic.

Speaking of terrible news, my laptop is dying a slow torturous death. I started to see the signs a couple of weeks ago. I guess I should have known it was coming - I've had this laptop for 4 years now. Which in technology age it's like Joan Rivers. It has started randomly restarting, suddenly exiting windows, running frustratingly slow. So I started looking at new laptops and saving a little. Then I got sick and . . . . well - this is kinda of gross, so I'll give you fair warning. So, I accidentally threw up on my laptop. I really wish that was a punchline, but no - I legitimately threw up on my laptop. So whatever wasn't broken before, definitely is now. So it has developed even more interesting quirks. The cursor thing double clicks on stuff without being touched - which means all the annoying ads get clicked on and when I try to close them, I end up double clicking on it which opens more windows. Random keys stopped working and others you have to push for awhile to get it to register. So every time I have to get online it's like a freaking adventure. I never know what's going to happen next.