Wednesday, June 27, 2012

So once again I broke something. And then I made it worse.

So I was doing laundry last night at midnight (like every other normal person) and decided that I was tired and didn't want to do several loads so I decided to wash ALL my clothes at one time. I spent several minutes stuffing every article of wearable clothes into the washing machine - just like my mom always warned me was going to break the machine. Even as I was doing it, I was thinking this was not going to end well. And here's the difference between me and normal people: I did it anyway. So it only took about 10 minutes before the washer started making loud thunking noises and then clicking sounds, followed by silence. Nothing. It wouldn't do anything - wash, rinse, permanent press, NADA. The washer was filled with water and my clothes were tangled up and not moving. The problem was I had lunch with former colleagues today and didn't think they'd understand why I showed up in my pajamas. So I knew I couldn't wait for the maintenance guy to come. So I spent the next 3 hours pulling out my clothes once by one and wringing them out the best I could and finding somewhere to hang them. Now this is what doesn't make sense to me - I don't know if it was the late hour or what, but I apparently forgot that my DRYER was still in working order. I spent a ridiculous amount of time wacking my clothes against funiture (because that's how they dried clothes in the olden days, I assume), rolling them up in towels and sitting on them, and ineffectively blowing them dry with my blow dryer. Finally, I remembered the dryer still worked, and I tried that route. But the clothes were so wet still that it took 6 cycles in the dryer to finally dry.
Then today, after all that, I thought for kicks and giggles I'd see what would happen if I unplugged the washer and plugged it in again. Because that how you fix computers, right? And it started right up. Of course.

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

So I'm no detective, but I'm pretty sure anyone would consider this a justifiable reason for manslaughter

Ok, so I don't know if you've seen the 'Clean and Clear' commercial but every time I see it I sit and wonder for hours an undetermined amount of time what marketing genius came up with the idea. If you haven't seen it, here's the basic premise:
It's early morning, apparently, and this girl's roommate thinks that it is a grand idea to start playing music. The girl comes in the kitchen and says to quiet down, and the roommate decides that instead of turning down the music, she should insult her instead. She says, "I know what YOU need!" (This is of course a suggestion that her T-Zone is a little shiny) and they then have a face washing party. It all ends with them singing and dancing together in the kitchen.
So . . . in what world is this realistic? First of all, if my roommate suggested to me in the early morning that the reason I'm not in a good mood is because my face isn't clean, we would have a problem. If they then wanted to wash their face with me, I would start looking for a nice way to suggest they move out and find another roommate to be creepy to. If they then decided we should start dancing and singing in the kitchen in the early morning, well, let's just say that would be the beginning of a CSI episode.

Saturday, June 2, 2012

So I started a fire

Working at home is great. But it is really boring. And I think I have undiagnosed ADD. Which has caused some problems. One 'problem' is that I don't stop cleaning. And because I don't do anything normal, I was cleaning my ceilings with bleach using a Swiffer. (Don't ask). The problem with cleaning your ceilings is that it drips, and I didn't think about this while I looked up and literally got a drop of bleach water in my eye. Who needs vision anyway, eh?
But really I get in the most trouble at my desk. I have this candle burning at all times because one of my neighbors apparently really likes pot. And I'm not a fan of the smell. So I have this candle going and I get really fascinated with it sometimes. I get annoyed that the wax on the side wasn't melting and it seems like such a waste. So I decided to take a giant paper clip (of course I have one) and scrape the wax on the side into the melted wax in the middle. Not only did I burn my hand several times (because the candle was still burning) but my hand slipped why scraping and it splashed all the hot wax all over my face and shirt. It was like a spontaneous wax facial. That was fun.
Then, for the finale, I started a fire. It started because I have a small obsession with burning paper and blowing it out. I think this is a sign of mental illness, but fire is pretty. So that means it's ok. Right? . . . So I started burning a piece of paper - except I couldn't blow it out in time and I panicked and dropped it in the garbage next to my desk. The garbage that was full of paper. The garbage can lit up like it was full of gasoline. My first reaction was annoyance at how quickly it burst into flames because whenever I'm camping, I can NEVER get the campfire to start. But of course now, when I don't want to start a fire, I have super fire starting abilities. Apparently.
Anyway, so I have a rather large fire going in my trash can and I was kinda freaking out. So I go to the sink and try to fit my trash can under the faucet but my trash can was too big and I didn't have enough room. So I dumped all the burning trash into the sink thinking this was a genius move. And then I watched as the small stream of water from the faucet didn't even touch 90% of the burning mess. So I started cupping my hands and filling it with water and splashing the fire. And yes, I effectively splashed the fire to death. I think I should really look into fire fighting. I apparently have some great skills. I'm sure the local fire fighters would be really impressed. Either that, or really concerned about my ability to start fires. Maybe I should just keep this story to myself.