Wednesday, June 17, 2009

So, I'm super freakin frustrated

So - some people know, some people don't but I have a hard time (to put it lightly) sleeping. It started in college when I couldn't sleep at night because our dorm room door slammed shut whenever people opened it and I wasn't used to people being around and talking, listening to music, etc when I was trying to sleep. So my mom gave me over the counter sleeping pills. They worked, and I took 2 on nights that it was really hard to doze off. That was, what, like 3 years ago? Man, I'm old. Anyway, so since then I've gotten steadly worse and not being able to sleep. It's gotten to the point now that I am taking 6 benedryl and 3 over the counter sleeping pills to even have a chance of getting sleep. I'm tried getting off multiple times and I'll literally go 72 hours with no sleep before I cave and take some meds. The amount that I'm taking is something I realize is not healthy - I get that - but even that isn't making a difference anymore. Last night I think I got about 3 hours. And even when I do get sleep its not goo dquality sleep because I have sleep apnea and all these other issues that keep me waking up. This is getting to be the norm. And I'm sick to death of it. I'll be watching a show on tv where a character like falls asleep in class or something and I get actually mad thinking how unfair it is that people can just fall asleep so easily. I've tried 4 different prescription sleeping pills - none of them made a difference. I accidentally took them during the day and didn't realize it until hours later. Made no difference at all. One dr finally gave me one prescription that was really strong he said and it did make me fall asleep - but I felt like I was under water for like 20 hours. He called to see if it worked and I told him yes, but I couldn't function the next day. He said he was suprised that I woke up the next day at all because the drug he gave me is something they only give hospitalized patients that need to be put to sleep for a very long time. He said most people sleep at least 24 hours with it and it is extremely strong. So, yeah. If I could sleep all day, that would work. But at the time I was supposed to be at work at 6am. Now, I work at 7 am. So, I went back to my coctail of benedryl and sleeping pills. But I am SO sick of it. My patience is like nonexistant when I'm this tired and I feel bad because I will snap at people and get angry at the stupidest things and it seems so lame to say that its because I'm tired. But it really is, I've been tired for years now. I'm not looking for solutions on here or sympathy, its just been one of those days where I feel like I cannot even function - I've come close to slapping a coworker because she was humming. It's not good. I shouldn't be allowed in public when I'm this tired. Ok, thats the end.

1 comment:

Chantel said...

Seems a lot of people are having moments today....sorry.